PolitiWear's White House Correspondant, May Dupp, along with her team, caught up with "Dimentia Donnie" Trump this weekend at Mar-a-lago, as he was coming out of a massage given by a girl that his profusely sweating aides vehemently assured us was "definitely over 18" despite the fact that no one had asked or even mentioned the girl. When May asked Trump what he was going to do about the high cost of food, he laughed and said, "Don't worry honey, the tax payers are footing the bill for all this!" as he poured about $500 worth of caviar on the ground.

May forced down her disgust long enough to say, "I was referring to the food those very same tax payers are unable to afford now." Trump's face darkened and he asked "Where are you from?" May said she was with Politiwear dot Shop and Trump said, "I don't like you people, you're not even a real journalist. I'll tariff you so hard, wajhnaud adfnnnn..." and then he wandered off.  An aide approahed us and said "Oh you are so lucky, President Trump has blessed you today. He spoke to you in his new language. Only a few of us have been taught it because it takes a high cognitive ability to understand it. Let me translate for you." May rolled her eyes as he continued. "The President is announcing a new plan next week to save Americans money. It's called Food Fridays. Americans are encouraged to only eat on Fridays. This will lower their food bill by 600% according to President Trump!" 

May asked the aide why this new language sounded like someone having a stroke and why Trump was currently licking the caviar he'd previously poured out off of the ground and barking like a dog, to which the aide replied it was 4D chess. RFK Jr walked up and said, "Hey what's everyone talking about? How smart I am and how I'm not at all a fraud?" The aide said "President Trump just uh... revealed his new plan to this reporter. About Food Fridays." RFK Jr said, "That was MY plan to end obesity! I was going to win the Nobel Ending Obesity Prize for that!" Trump immediately stood up and grabbed RFK Jr by the throat and screamed, "WHO is going to win that prize?" RFK Jr gurgled our "you are sir, I'm sorry sir, it was a bad joke sir!" That was the last we saw as we got out there fast after that.

We contacted the White House Press Secretary to see if they had any information about this. We asked what happened if people ate on other days. Their response was a terse, "More information will be released soon. As with all laws under the Trump administration, if you can afford to break them there will be no consequences as long as, shall we say contributions, to certain people are made." 

At the time of publishing, news had leaked to the Manosphere which has already began to buzz with news of Food Fridays, with most people saying it was "so freakin' alpha to do what Trump says without question" and "I'm gonna get so ripped like this!" and "It's alliterative and awesome, total win for Americans, no downsides", which a minority of manosphere influencers were asking "Do like protein shakes count? Because I lift like 6 days a week man." and one user made the grave error of saying he wasn't ready to give up Taco Tuesdays. He was immediately labeled a traitor and canceled by the manosphere. Faux News is now calling for Trump to sign an executive order making Taco Tuesdays an act of treason.  We will keep you updated as this story develops.